My Father Is Dying

December 27, 2007

I got the news
night before last from my half brother Seth who called to let me know
that my dad is on life support at the hospital and they expect him to
go any time now. He is a stoic and an atheist and wants to fight for
his life to the bitter end, so has refused most pain killers and has
accepted the tubes and machines. It’s colon cancer; a big tumor, and
they say they can’t operate.

 

I’ve
been estranged from this side of my family for many years, so there’s
not much opportunity for closeness now, and no possibility of
processing our issues. My dad was never one for working through
emotional issues, which is one of the reasons I had to back off from
him. He has been neglectful and abusive towards me most of my life, and
never really taken responsibility for any of it. I used to try and try,
and finally had to let it go. It was a very hard decision, but it did
help my overall life and self esteem when I walked away.

 

Course
I can’t help seeing the parallels now, when we are both at death’s door
and having cancers or other illnesses in the same parts of our bodies.
There’s probably a lot of crap between us unresolved. Perhaps this will
get worked out on the other side. Sometimes death is a great
opportunity for release and healing.

   

I sent love, condolences and forgiveness to my father through Seth when he called. Frey
had contacted my dad and his wife a while back to let them know about
my illness. They never responded. I didn’t really expect them to, since
I was the one who had walked away… but it still hurt. I was always
the good sweet daughter who would be there for them even if they
weren’t for me.

 

Well
I did what I could. I hope my dad has a peaceful passing and a
wonderful awakening in Spirit. Like my Marxist atheist mom, I think
he’s in for a big surprize! :0)

 

Thanks for listening,
Shekhinah

From Moonspell Library

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